Going through the crossroads

January 18, 2016 at 16:26 Leave a comment

The worst is not always the enemy of the best, many times, it is the good that thwarts the best.

This year marks my sixth year (hopefully my final year) in graduate school. In my previous blogs, it is clear to me that the good things I give up for the best – experience, learning and future. There were things that I was scared to give up, such as comfort, relationship, family and familiarity; it wasn’t an easy decision to give those things up because I had made up in my mind that being certain is better than taking risks. Since going out of the zone of certainty, there is always 50/50 chance in every decision. In reality, most people might agree with me that we are afraid of to face the uncertainties of life, of not knowing what is out there. In addition, there are numerous situations that were out of our control and jurisdiction but we had no other choice but to go through them all. In one of my recent experience, I had the choice to be bitter and remorseful about the injustice that I thought I am experiencing and be frustrated and disheartened with expectations that I cannot and not fulfilling at the moment. But I must choose to respond well in those situations, because as I often ask myself, what good will it bring me if I react to those things I cannot even control by myself. Although I might feel a sense of great regret and then blaming my situation on the person in authority over me. When people asked me “When will you finish?“, my heart is being dragged into the pit of depression again and again, as I become confronted with that question repeatedly. What should I say to them? Although I used to do the blame-game but I know shouldn’t and I am sorry for that attitude. Because even if it is someone else’s, the question that lingers is what can I do, right? Will my reaction change my situation or will it change me? But just to sum it all, the year 2015 ended with a great promise and challenge to me. Just as one professor told me few weeks ago, “What do you have to lose? Just wait. It’s just a matter of time.” But I realized that waiting is not a passive thing, but more of an active term. Come to think of it, indeed, the future is always just a matter of time, which reminded me one of the verses that really meant something in my heart in Jeremiah 29:11-13,

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

In relation to the things I am talking above, I remembered an experience half a decade ago when I had my first scuba dive, a whole new world was revealed to me just underneath our surface, strong currents that we have to overcome, colorful sea creatures and beings gliding through the waves. At one point, I stood before the edge of something then I looked up and saw pitch black scenery. There was this deep void in that horizon, all but darkness. And I could feel goosebumps all-over my skin and the cold water creeped beneath my suit into my bones. It was a terrifying experience to stand on the edge of darkness. However, this year, just like 5 years ago, could be the year of amazing intersections, but the opportunity to pray and fast, to really seek intimacy with God and His will, reminded me that choose the road that will lead me to be deeper in faith, rooted in His words and guided by His wisdom. This week, I had a great chance to spend time with my family to come together for an hour of fellowship and prayer daily. God reminded me that there are so many things to pray for. And praying to Jesus as our only intercessor open my mind and heart to a number of things and people. How I have been selfish in praying for myself and family alone. I was reminded to pray for the people in my circle of influence; relatives and friends who have real problems and struggles. It gave me a sense of responsibility and accountability to care and love them not just in words but in deeds. It is still my prayer to develop compassion to others who need not a figment of images but the real God who desires to have a personal and deep relationship with all who will come. I am also reminded this year to ask not for the blessings, but for the Blesser. Seek not the creation, but the Creator. Rest not on the comfort, but the Comforter. Rely not on the provision, but the Provider. I love how Moses reminded me when he pleaded with God in Exodus 33:15-16,

15 Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”

How will anyone distinguish me from other people on the face of the earth, there are so many Filipinos abroad who are more successful in the eyes of the world, many scientists who knows better than I do, more skillful than I am, many young people who are more famous than I am, but I have never sought for these things and if God’s presence is not with me, what is the purpose of these things then? This week I am reminded that all that I do means nothing, unless others are directed to Jesus, so that my Heavenly Father, the Creator of all things is glorified and praised above all. Jesus said in Matthew 5:16,

16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

There will always be uncertainties and troubles whether we believe or we don’t believe in God. But no matter how creepy the void might be and frightening the darkness can be, I chose to believe in Jesus Christ the unwavering light who will guide me throughout my days. Because in Him, not a single pain or tear is wasted, every little thing has its purpose.



Entry filed under: Bible, Christianity, Family, Happiness, Jesus Christ, Life, Life Lesson, Manhood, Overseas Filipino Worker, Purpose, Satisfaction. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

Love until it Hurts Think yourself less, not less of yourself

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