Think yourself less, not less of yourself

July 22, 2016 at 14:59 2 comments

I had this principle in life to “learn from others and never make unneccessary mistakes”. One thing that I saw growing up is the inability of many “adults” to continue changing and growing. I saw it with my own eyes, dialogues from people closest to me saying, “I am too old to change. I am never going to change. So deal with it.” And it was a constant gong in my head hearing those things again and again, but I was determined that I said to myself, “I won’t be like that. I will always learn and keep on growing.” It was probably the most odd thing to say from a child and to have a strong determination and will-power to stand on that ground.

But last night was an eye-opener, I had an interview with one of the most famous medical researchers in the world. And in that 30-min talk, it was a short time that I knew I had my face slammed on the floor, spot on(unintentionally, of course)! I thought I know everything and I will be qualified to do things because of that “PhD” at the end of my name. But no, I wasn’t even close, such pride that I never noticed I am emanating. It started when I introduced myself confidently like nothing was wrong in me or I am the best person to be hired in this position. As the conversation went on, I smelled the stench of my ego right into my nose as well as the light-years distance to what I wish to become is so far from my expectations. Right there, I identified myself as the person who says “I am too old to change. I am never going to change. So deal with it.” Not noticing that I am becoming the person I promised not to be. Surely, as my bestfriend said that the sudden interview is not an accident. That night, I know something was off and wrong about me. It was an eye-opener and a tap on my shoulder that I will never forget. It was a clear revelation of what I need is not another “feather-on-the-hat” or “laurel leaves” but the character of humility – to be humble and to never stop growing. As C.S. Lewis beautifully said, “…think yourself less”. But sadly, I was at the brink of falling into the pit of self-doubt and pity, until I realized something.Humility-CS-Lewis1

Waking up into the aftermath of that devastating blow of my ego and self-centeredness was a new hope to change. In this week of solitude, I began to see things clearly not the me now, but the me who can become a better citizen of this world, and the direction that I should start walking on. The facade might look calm and plain but the world inside is shook, stirring a new flame just as I have felt when I started stepping into the realm of the unknown. Country, place nor position is the real issue but my heart. A heart that is ready to be crushed and to be molded. Admitting my mistake and vowing not to repeat it is one thing; taking the opposite course and pursuing the right direction is easier said than done. It will be more difficult and heart-breaking but the journey is more meaningful and enjoyable when purpose meets passion. The best thing about it is that life will never be the same.

You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “He did not make me”? Can the pot say of the potter, “He knows nothing”? -Isaiah 29:30unknown3.jpg

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Entry filed under: Bible, Christianity, Happiness, Life, Life Lesson, PhD, Purpose. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Going through the crossroads A Fresh New Start

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. StephJ  |  July 22, 2016 at 20:20

    Amazing post! Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Reply
    • 2. eabpajarillo  |  July 22, 2016 at 22:22

      Hi StephJ. Thanks! I am encouraged. 🙂

      Reply

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