A Fresh New Start

November 1, 2016 at 13:03 Leave a comment

If there is one thing that I can change in the past, what should it be and why? I believe this is a question that many of us would ask ourselves over and over again.

“What if I have done this?”

“What if this was not done to me?”

“What if I have chosen this path?”

Just like many people, there are so many “what ifs” that I could think of. What if my childhood was better? What if the environment I grew up was pristine that I’d never exposed to impurities, filthy thoughts or forced my ignorant mind as a youth to engage in pornography, lust, etc. I realized that after meeting with my old friends, I thought I have escaped the things I did wrong and erased everything I was perceived by them, but somehow there’s a ledger that cannot be erased from the memories, no matter how much I try to explain myself or “good” I do in this world. And that is a fact. So again, with my “what ifs”. I’ve struggled in my mind for many days, affecting my heart and actions. If only there’s “reset” button to all that I’ve done and all that happened to me so that there’d be no shame, no guilt, and no hopelessness that rests in my heart and mind.

If there’s a way to break the chain that I’ve secretly and constantly indulged and cruised in. And if people just know how unworthy, because God knows, and I am, I might get a different treatment or perception. But also the constant lies that I am receiving and fed with (by the Enemy), conditioned me, like a baby elephant conditioned for weakness, that I cannot break the chain of presumptuous sins in my life. But at one point in my struggle, the words of Christ reminded me that I am actually free from all these things, because of what He did for me.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. – John 8:36

After hearing, listening and meditating these words, I know that I do not need to be ashamed, nor feel guilty. There is true freedom in Christ. True freedom is pursuing what God wants me to be and doing what God’s purpose in my life is, and not that doing things without restraint, no regard for consequence or so that I can please others, which is actually counterfeit freedom. I feel just like the man who said, “… One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see! (John 9:25)” Indeed, I was so blind not knowing that I am free, that my transgressions are forgiven and no more (Hebrews 8:12; Hebrews 10:17; Isaiah 23:25) and that I am a new creation (Ezekiel 36:25-27). As a new creation, I can devote and offer my life to God as a living sacrifice, to be holy and pursue righteousness through Christ.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. – Ezekiel 36:26

And to put those words into the song “In Christ Alone” that beautifully resound what is in my heart:

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

– In Christ Alone

So no more with my “what ifs“, no more shame, guilt or fear, not because of what I am or what I did, but for what Christ did for me and for who He is. Because through those times, slowly but surely I am broken to pieces, shattered and shaved so that my heart of stone be turned into flesh. His revelation is light in my eyes and darkness. My “what ifs” now turn to “what I can be“. I praise God for I can be His mouthpiece to the youth of today, the young generation who struggles with their identity, who struggles with pleasing everybody but God, who goes through peer pressure I once struggled with, just to fit in, because in everything the sovereignty, goodness, and faithfulness of God transcend everything I ought to know.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. -Romans 8:28

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Entry filed under: Bible, Christianity, Happiness, Jesus Christ, Life, Life Lesson, Purpose, Satisfaction.

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